People

So I just realized that my last post was just what I'm feeling/thinking today. I don't like to rant and complain about things like this but this last year has just involved a lot of disappointments from people and I've learned a lot about friends and people in general. First of all, I don't understand why or how God can love us the way he does. His unconditional love is WAY beyond me and WAY beyond my ability to love people unconditionally. I'm so thankful he loves us all the way that he does and I will spend the rest of my life trying to achieve love like that. I wish I had a love for people like that but I don't. And in the last year I feel like I have gone backwards in learning how to love people better because of the way I have been treated. And what makes all of this worse is that most of the people who have hurt me are Christians. I think Christians are the worst at this. We are rude, often narrow-minded, selfish, arrongant, jerks. Sometimes I hate to be labeled a Christian because I know so many people in this world have been turned away by so-called Christians and have been badly mistreated by those associated with The Church. It makes me angry that things are that way and I hope that I have not been one of those people who has caused someone else to shut themselves off from God. As a Christian, I do not claim to be anywhere near perfect. I am selfish, impatient, rude, sometimes narrow-minded, blunt, and not always open to hearing what other people have to say. Now, that's nothing to be proud of at all, but at least I'm aware of it. Am I just going to sit back and keep living that way? No. These are all things that I work very hard at to change and I realize that I need God's help to do that. I have also developed a lot of bitterness lately, which is strange because a few months ago God relieved me of some bitterness I had been holding onto for over 6 years. But since being relieved of that bitterness towards that one person, Satan has worked his way in and I have allowed him to create more bitterness towards people in general. Again, I am not proud of this. I want to get rid of all bitterness completely but that is such a hard thing to do! --

Wedding planning. These last 6 months have been stressful, emotional, scary, exciting, fun, disappointing, and stretching. Since I started planning my wedding I have learned a lot about people who Antony and I thought were our friends. We have been let down over and over again by broken promises made and lies revealed. It hasn't been a fun process as far as that goes but at the same time, I'm glad we learned these things now because we can protect ourselves in the future. Now some of those relationships are doing fine now and will heal, but others have ended altogether. That fact breaks my heart and really hurts me but God can and will heal the wounds if I am willing to let him. That's the hardest part - I have to be willing. That will take time but I know I will reach that point. I'm so very thankful for my Savior who loves me unconditionally and forgives me when I fail continuously. I am also very thankful for my fiance, who will be my husband in 8 days! He has been so wonderful and supportive and helpful through this entire planning process and has made it fun and exciting and enjoyable! Despite the rough patches along the way, I have enjoyed preparing for our wedding and I'm SO very ready for the day to arrive!!!!! I'm excited about the plans God has for our marriage and so excited, and scared, about all the learning that is ahead of us.

I love you Antony Floyd!